Katelyn

I would like to give some history and information about each of my family members.  So that you have better understanding of the main characters and because I am using this blog as a family journal for my children to have years from now.

First I'd like to introduce you to my oldest child, Katelyn.

One of my most recent pictures of Katelyn

Briefly I will say that she is an answer to prayer as God led my husband and I to both pray on the same day to start a family.  I was on Cloud Nine the instant I knew she existed and I cried tears of joy the first time I heard her heart beat.  During my pregnancy with her I was led to pray a lot for her.  Some of my prayers were that she would not just be an "easy" child, but one full of wonder and spunk.  I prayed she would question and not just be one to follow.  I also was led to prayer, numerous times, to protect her from mental illnesses.  Many people in her family struggle with mental health issues (namely depression) and I never wanted her to know the torture of despair and the struggles to cope with malfunctioning thoughts. 

I was elated to become a mother, but was not prepared for pregnancy.  I was knocked for a loop and too ill to even process what happened to me for weeks on end.  I finally stopped throwing up and was able to get off the couch and do things for myself (I still remember mopping my tile floors for the first time) at about 22 weeks into the pregnancy. 

She was born days after our fourth wedding anniversary and though it was a rough start for me on my journey in motherhood -she was such a joy it was all "worth it." 

I still remember her very first smile.  How she cooed and "talked" to me.  I tell her all the time, today, that it was because of how much we loved and adored her that we had her sister.  When Katelyn was just 4 months old, I was wanting another one just like her!  I had no idea, what-so-ever, that I could love someone as much as I loved her!!!  The horrors of a bad pregnancy and a terrible delivery were miniscule next to the joy and reward of my adorable baby girl.

When the doctor broke my water to get my labor rolling, she instantly announced, "Baby's got lots of hair!"  Here are some photos of my "lots of hair" cutie pie when she was first born :-)

As she got older and phased out of baby days and into the toddler phase it was clear that my prayers for a strong, determined, inquisitive child were answered with an astounding "as you wish."  I can still see her standing at the trash can closing her eyes (preparing for a hand-smack) as she touched the trash.  My father lived with us at the time and he, a parenting veteran, was in awe of her strong willed little spirit. 

Katelyn didn't walk until after her first birthday, but in all other areas she was (and is) advanced.  She drew pictures as a two year old that blew me away!  She had fine motor skills beyond most kids years older.  She was a self motivated learner and I was asked by many people (including her kindergarten teacher) "what preschool did she attend?".  The fact that she never did one day of formal preschool did not seem to hinder her one bit.  I'd love to say I was *that* parent who did a full preschool curriculum at home, but I really didn't.  I wanted to be that mom, but my strong willed genius had other plans.  When I sat her down to read her books she only listened to a book once, from then on she insisted on "reading" it and would not have it any other way.  If I put a pencil in her hand to write letters she drew whales.  Yet, she would come to me with love notes "I LUV YOU MOM" and I would look at her with bewildered delight. 

Katelyn's drawing of a whale jumping up out of the ocean. She seriously drew this all by herself. She brought it to me to show me and I took a picture of it because she usually will keep adding and adding and adding to until the original is lost under layers of new drawings. This was about a month before her 3rd birthday. Also, she wasn't looking at anything when she drew it -it was all from her imagination.

Katelyn is a very passionate child.  When she is focused on something she is borderline obsessed.  Just this past week she came to my room at about 3 in the morning to remind me I promised to wake her early to play Monopoly with her. 

So far she has told me she wants to be a doctor or a veterinarian and a mommy and a teacher.  I can see her doing a fantastic job at all 4 (even simultaneously!) and I can also see her having a political career.  She is a master at debating.  I am good at debating, but she is a natural master mind at it!  Once while having lunch with a friend we only see once a year while he is home for the holidays, he remarked that she was a little negotiator and should be in politics.  Katelyn was only two at the time.

Katelyn is sensitive, caring, compassionate, attuned to others needs and moods and has an eye for detail.  She struggles with things too, especially with perfection, expectations, insecurities and control.  She actually was fully assessed for mental health disorders (there was a time we feared she was bi-polar).  The psychological testing showed that she had severe anxiety and depression of childhood and was one point shy of a diagnosis of OCD. 

Katelyn and I have worked hard to address these issues head-on and I am thrilled to share that she has done exceedingly well!!!  I am so very proud of her and thankful for everyone who has prayed us through this trying season.  I only shared with a very few people how scary and dark things got for her (and us) at the peak of her issues.  I see now that given her predispositions, lots of big life changes, starting kindergarten and my extreme illness (more about that later) and bullying at school it was just a perfect storm!

I am so thankful for the love and support we got from those we trusted to reach out to during our worse days.  I am so thankful for God's unending grace and His gift of the Holy Spirit to guide us in the darkest hours.  With all the help and support we got we were able to turn the ship around!!! We got frighteningly close to sinking it at times.

I asked Katelyn if I could share this with you all and she said "if it's not embarrassing, sure." It's hard to walk the fine line of telling about all this without telling too much or to tell it in a way that might hurt her.  She is sensitive and could be hurt by anything I say, easily.  I can relate -I too am very sensitive and get my feelings hurt easily.  So I will say just a few things and hope it's enough without being "too much."

Things got so bad that we were faced with hours of screaming, crying and violent fits.  Katelyn was expressing the desire to hurt herself and others.  She was getting ill before school and was swinging from one emotion to the next with seemingly no reason.  I became the target of most of her anger and statements like, "I hate you" were sadly common place and mild in comparison to other things she expressed. 

 Katelyn has come so far from just two years ago.  I am so thankful!!!  I adore her and I really missed her cuddling and sweetness.  I will write more about how we got through those times, but I have already focused on that too much in this post.

Katelyn is beautiful inside and out!  Sometimes her beauty literally takes my breath away.  She is such a great big sister to her little brother and is working through jealousy and is becoming a great big sister to her little sister, too. 

Despite the fact that Katelyn is a strong willed, brilliant child, she is quick to become shy and nervous around new people and in new situations.  But I am proud of her for all her brave work to overcome fears like giving presentations (something they do weekly in Classical Conversations).  I am always telling her that it's not important what we struggle with, but that we struggle with it -and don't just give up!  She makes my heart sing and my face smile.  She is such a gift and I pray I always make her understand that I treasure her.  

Here is one of my favorite, more recent pictures of Katelyn showing off her artistic talent (she is really good at working with clay) and her fun personality by putting the flowers on her nose.  She came to me and said, "Look mom, I'm smelling the roses!"