Rockwell Turns 2

Rockwell just celebrated his second birthday.  We had a low-key celebration, just the way I like it for a 2 year old.  I made him a fun construction site themed birthday cake and he got a large Caterpillar brand dump truck.  Between the chocolate cake, the dump trucks and balloons he was quite the happy birthday boy.  He did not know it was his birthday or that we were making him the center of attention, but he had a lot of fun, none-the-less.

Here's a video of us singing "Happy Birthday" to him.  Notice his confused look as his sisters try to get him more excited during the song.  Also, Alex held the ipad during the song so my dad could watch via skype.

 Earlier in the day I took the kids to Starbucks before getting some decorations for his birthday dinner & party.  Rockwell loves LOVES cake pops so we just had to have an impromptu birthday celebration with cake pops.

Construction Site Birthday Cake How To

Today I will share how I made my son an easy and fun construction site themed birthday cake.  There are many ways in which you can make a construction site cake, believe me: I spent a few hours pinning ideas from Pinterest.  :) I suggest you first find whatever construction vehicles you wish to use for the cake (they can be brand new or preloved ones).  I would make sure they are of similar look and scale -otherwise it won't look right, at all.  When I went on the hunt for vehicles I found at Caterpillar brand set of 4 for $9.99 at Target, but I thought they would be far too small (they were of the Hot Wheels scale).  I chose two plastic trucks for $1.99 each in the sand and water play section.  They were larger, but not very big, in fact I wanted larger trucks.  I am glad I did not get bigger trucks, because when I made the cake I realized how big the cake was NOT in comparison to the trucks!  So I got creative and decided not to limit myself to the surface of the cake for the placement of the vehicles.

Once I gave myself permission to not stick to the surface of the cake I was able to have fun and make it work for the size of the cake.  Here's an image of the finished cake (please note that I didn't go all out for size and "fancy" because it was just for our immediate little family.

To make the cake I did a "doctored up" box cake recipe.  I used two boxes of Duncan Hines and two packages of chocolate pudding.  Recipe here.  Once I baked the cakes and they were cooled, I put gummy worms and pudding between the layers (I used an additional package of pudding mix to make pudding).  I was inspired by "dirt cups."

I cut the cake down a bit and took a big chunk out in a corner to make it look like it was dug out by the claw part of the one truck (I clearly don't know the terms).  I frosted the cake with a homemade frosting with black dye to give it an asphalt look.

Next, I crumbled the cut off cake pieces and mixed it with pudding, crushed Oreo cookies, some extra frosting and some rock candies that I purchased at our local Winco store.  I filled the dumping part of the dump truck with some of the mix and stuck the candle in the "load."

I put some of the mix by the "dug out" area to look like it was torn away from the "construction site."

 I decided to make it look like the dump truck dumped out the number "2" on to the cake.  I used the rock candies to highlight the crushed Oreo "2" I put on the cake (it was not showing against the very dark frosting).

Some more images of the cake:

Some things I would do differently next time (I may make another construction cake for his 3rd birthday when I plan to throw a party for him):

I would make the cake much larger and use smaller scale construction machines. I would make a few tiers too.

I would make the frosting less dark and maybe just a chocolate frosting OR make it look like grass with green frosting piped like grass or green tinted coconut.  

                              

Lastly, I would not use gummy worms in the layer (good idea, not so easy to cut and not so tasty with the pudding -gives it as weird taste like there is fruit juice in the pudding).

Some cakes I found on Pinterest that I got inspiration from:

Update on my Garden Ventures

Earlier this year I wrote about my past attempts at gardening and shared that I was going to give gardening another try.  This entry will be brief in words, but embellished with images.

A friend and I went in on the garden together (Alex built us each a 4'x4' "Square Foot Garden" planter box).  We split costs 50/50 and for about $100 each we had our planter boxes and honestly too many "started" plants.  We started too late in the season to try from just seed.  Next year I plan to save money and start from seeds.  

The truck bed was their pre-garden bed :)

First days in the garden bed.  It looked so nice and tidy and I went against some of the advice in my Square Foot Gardening book and put more plants in the bed than suggested.  I was warned by the book of the growth rate of my zucchini and squash plants and gardening friends told me that they would quickly grow and take over the garden. 

Almost 30 days later, the zucchini and squash began to really GROW!!! The tomatoes were growing at a very rapid rate, as well.

Day 1, taken April 19, 2014

Nothing like a frozen treat while mom plants a garden :)

Taken May 13, 2014

Yellow Crook-Neck Squash plant w/flower

potato plants I grew from cuttings -but as of this post, I cannot see evidence of them anymore -I think the jungle of tomatoes caused them to fail or the heat -or I just cannot see them???

Our second cucumber :-)

Taken May 25, 2014

Zucchini Plant close ups

This was my 3rd cucumber and it grew overnight! Notice it still has it's yellow flower still attached?

HUGE zucchini and some of the first tomatoes, one yellow neck squash,  two banana peppers, one tomitillo, and one cucumber -Harvested June 7, 2014

Lots of tomatoes -harvested July 1, 2014

Spotted a baby watermelon!!!!! July 1, 2014

Yesterday, as I harvested tomatoes I thought to myself, "I need to update my blog on my garden!" The rest of these images were yesterday!

I think I have a few tomatoes ;-) I had one in a spinach salad -so juicy and TASTY -no dressing needed!

Unfortunately, my once tidy garden bed be came a jungle.  We had bad winds and most my tomatoes blew into the garden and wow!!! They. Took. Off. EVERYWHERE

The best looking baby melon I have -one I already cut off vine -it was looking like nothing more than a water waste.

This was not even the biggest heirloom tomato!

I will do another update when there is more to report!

High Carb, Low Fat Roadblocks & Stumbling Blocks

Roadblocks: you have a destination in mind and they stand in your way, diverting you, delaying you and almost always leave you completely frustrated.  If you are in a new area they can scare you and leave you lost.  And if you are running late they can be utterly infuriating!  They are definitely "plan changers" and if you cannot find a way to adapt you will never make it to your destination and the roadblock becomes a stumbling block. 

Yesterday was supposed to be my first day of my 30 days 100% raw vegan, high carb, low fat plan.  I had two roadblocks: I was ill and my blender quit 3 seconds into my second smoothie of the day.  I did not allow feeling ill to stop me, I just decided to take the day easy and go lightly on the fruit (I was having terrible bowl and stomach pains and even bad heartburn -something I don't usually experience).  When I had put everything in the blender for a lunch time smoothie I was quite frustrated to have nothing planned to eat as a back up and I was feeling quite hungry (it was about 2 PM and I had only had two bananas in my morning smoothie).

After several attempts to fix the blender I gave up on the smoothie idea and gagged down two too-ripe-for-me bananas.  The plan says to eat fully ripe bananas for better digestion in general and for the fructose.  I like my bananas when they are perfectly yellow; pre-browning stage, though that is the ideal stage for smoothies and baking. 

Not long after I decided to make a dinner of brown rice and black beans.  I held on to raw until the idea of just eating browning bananas grew too unappealing.  When Alex got home he tried the blender and got it working in just a few tries! I was elated and took my to-be-blended fruit out of the fridge and whipped up a dessert of two bananas, about 6 strawberries and water.  Overall, I had a good day, but did not succeed in sticking to a fully raw day.  I had a raging headache by 4 and also made a small amount of coffee and had a small amount of non dairy creamer.  I am aiming to not regularly ingest caffeine, but have decided to slowly reduce the coffee intake because I am addicted to it and I feel like keeping just this one "favorite" will help me as I am feeling overwhelmed by so much change to my diet right now.  Either I am making a wise choice or I am just making excuses to not quit coffee, just yet. ;-)

Today I was all set to really rock this first day!!! I drank about 2 liters of water in the morning (so much more than I usually do, first thing).  I had to drink it slowly, if I drink water too fast it makes me extremely nauseous, much like any amount of water consumption did when I had HG.  By the time I finished with my water I was really looking forward to my smoothie.  I was feeling much better than yesterday and had a better appetite, too.  I decided to do a 4 banana smoothie and was getting ready when I discovered another roadblock: the blender refused to perform for me, yet again.  I nearly cried.  Seriously.  I really dislike loathe what I call "over ripe" bananas.  And I am quite tight on my budget and planned to use the frozen fruit I had in my freezer to stretch me through next pay day.

I refused to give up so easily, despite it feeling like a non-detour-able roadblock.  I had some coffee and a yellow banana and plotted my "alternate route."  I passed by our new trashcan several times, noticing it needed to be emptied and remembered that we had discussed returning it to Costco because it was a poor design and the motion activated sensor part was -just weeks later- not working right.  "Light bulb!" I announced to the kiddos that we were going to buy fruit and I cleaned up the trashcan and put it back in it's box.

Here's a picture I took of my cart just before loading it into the trunk:

I'd call the trip a great success except for one small derailing of my eating plan: when I got my kids food at the food court I ordered myself a frozen coffee drink (which has milk in it).  OOPS! I could have thrown it away, but I did not.  In fact, I enjoyed every drop of it.  Not going to lie!  Tomorrow is another day.  I refuse to allow my tendency to have "all or nothing" thinking ruin this for me.  My positive efforts are not erased by mistakes or deliberate breaking of the rules.  For some allowing "cheats" would derail them, indefinitely. But, for others, having a "all or nothing" mindset poses a greater risk for derailment.  I am usually very good at being extreme and perfectionist at new endeavors, but then giving up completely at a first-offense mistake.  I am delighted that I am not giving up because of a coffee drink or giving in to an urge to call myself a failure for it. 

Frustrations & Learning from Past Faliures

The other day my five year old, Grace, had a huge meltdown at the grocery store.  Full on tantrum with screaming at the top of her lungs.  I didn't tell her "no" to something, but I told her I would not agree to letting her have her OWN package of cookies that were identical to what her sister had picked out.  She had to have her very own package and insisted on it being exactly her way.  I am a seasoned veteran to the "choose your battles wisely" motto of parenting.  I calmly explained that I was fine with her picking a different kind of cookie, but she would be sharing them.  She lost it.  Flat-out, lost it in the bakery department.  I gave her a moment to recompose and again stated, "we don't need two packages of the same kind of cookie.  If you want something different you may choose a different one for us all to share." I was in a hurry and hungry and I knew Alex, my husband, was waiting for us at home (and I was bringing lunch).

A perfect storm was brewing right there in Vons.  Hungry, feeling stressed, rushed and quite embarrassed by a screaming child, I gave it one more try.  "Gracie, I am giving you 30 seconds to pick another type of cookie to share.  I am in a hurry and cannot stand here all day waiting for you to pick something."  Gracie seemed panicked and tortured and I could see her shutting down with the pressure I put on her.  Frustrated with myself, the "you are such a pathetic mother" voice grew louder.  Hands on my hips I said, "10, 9, 8, 7, 6..." By 1 I grabbed her hand and said, "Sorry, we need to go now." She dropped to the floor and screamed so loudly I can only imagine an old man ripping his hearing aids out of his ears on the opposite side of the store (I can see him opening a door in the freezer section to be startled nearly into heart failure as her screams began to assault his normally straining ears). 

As I neared the checkout area I got in close to her and firmly said in her ear, "So help me God, if you don't shut up I will spank you so hard when we get to the car." As you guessed, she only began to cry harder and scream more.  All eyes were on my child and I felt as if everyone was taking bets on who would come out the victor in our battle.

The lines were long and I had to do my best to restrain a thrashing child and soon Rockwell began to protest his confinement in the shopping cart.  I had a moment of clarity.  I took a deep oxygenating breath and picked up Gracie and held her in my arms.  I just rocked her in my arms while picking up Rockwell, too.  I reminded myself that they were not giving me a hard time, but they were having a hard time.  And, if anyone was giving anyone a hard time, it was me who was giving Gracie a hard time. 

She did not stop her tantrum, but I had certainly stopped mine.  When it was my transaction's time, the cashier asked the generic, "How are you today, ma'am?" I replied, "other than tantrums, I am fine, you?" He told me about his niece having a similar tantrum earlier that day because her new toy broke.  He said, "Nothing I said worked, I even promised to buy her a new toy!" I reflected, "It's hard to deal with disappointments and frustrations." Wisely he said, "yeah, even as an adult I can get stuck when I don't get my way."  "Yes, I must admit, I certainly throw tantrums too -they just look different that this," I said, exhibiting my flailing five year old. 

It's important for me to look at this sliver of time in my parenting adventures.  There were a lot of things I did wrong, but also a lot that I did right.  Most importantly, I did not exhibit love and respect to my child from the start.  I put us all in an unnecessarily stressful situation.  I know my child gets overwhelmed and I could have been much more helpful to her.  I also need to do a better job of not allowing myself to get so stressed out (and hunger is a big stress contributor for me).

I did follow up on the whole ordeal with Grace and owned my wrong doings.  She apologized and we had an overall good talk with lots of hugs and we came to a better place in our relationship, as a result. 

I faced a great deal of frustration and felt like throwing a big tantrum earlier today, but I reviewed some things with myself and asked myself to look at the big picture and asked hard questions of myself.  I am happy to say I didn't throw a tantrum and I was able to work through the frustration and press on for the goal I am seeking.  I'll write more about this in my next post.

High Carb, Low Fat, Vegan Lifestyle

In my last post I stated that I fell off the vegan wagon while traveling for a funeral and had a hard time getting back on track.  I also began to gain back the weight I had lost from my time on a 100% vegan diet which really depressed me.  I went on the vegan diet for a multitude of reasons, but I would be a bold-faced liar if I didn't admit that weight loss was not a top reason.

Exploring more into why I so easily fell off the vegan diet that I was enjoying and why it took me so long to get back on, I have concluded that I need to have: more flexibility and options for eating out; more self-compassion for any breaks in vegan eating; and more carbohydrates -preferably sweeter things, as I broke my vegan diet for sweet pancakes and have stayed away indulging in ice cream and decadent coffee drinks.

I believe I have found my solution: High Carb, Low Fat, Vegan Lifestyle!!!  I never ever knew that I could eat a high quantity of carbohydrates and not pack on the pounds.  In my mind carbs have always equaled packed on pounds.  Even more, I have always known that if I ate over 1,200 calories in a day I would not be able to lose weight.  And I am never satisfied with such a little amount of calories.

I recently stumbled upon a youtube video by a youtuber that goes by the name, "Freelee The Banana Girl." After I got past the shock of her eating habits (she eats an excessive amount of bananas!) I began to think about what she had to say about how important carbohydrates are for our cells and for our brains and when we deprive ourselves of abundant carbohydrates we are in essence starving our bodies and set us up for failure on diets that are carbohydrate restrictive.  But, to be clear, when I say "abundance" I mean an amount that is just short of absurd. ;-) 

Freelee explains that she had a background of anorexia, bulimia and a sprinkling of health issues.  Though I have never suffered from anorexia or bulimia, I connected with her weight gain she experienced post anorexia.  After starving for nearly 9 months during my HG pregnancy with Rockwell, I experienced a steady weight gain, accelerated by medication that causes weight gain.  As I type these words, I am miserably over weight and nothing less than obese.  I hate typing that.  Hate it, tremendously.  But it is a fact.  Denying it has only gained me more fat around the middle. 

In keeping with what I have been learning to practice in therapy I must remind myself that I did not ask to starve for nearly 9 months, I did not ask to have a body so weakened by a debilitating pregnancy disease, and I did not ask to have PTSD and postpartum depression and a drug that not only aided in my weight gain, but that I had a bad reaction to and left me with months of vertigo, among other things.  I have my part to play in my obesity, but I am not just a lazy fat slob (even if the negative voice in my head tells me that I am).

So back to this high carb, low fat vegan plan.  I decided to give it a try.  It flies in the face of all that I have known, but I also know that what she says makes sense to me.  I am not sure if it will work for me, but what do I have to lose?

What is the plan?  From what I am gathering there are several variations of the eating plan, but in general it is a high fruit diet and women are supposed to eat at least 2,500 calories of mainly fruit and other carbs like cooked potatoes, rice and other grains.  There are versions in which you only eat raw -no cooked foods and there is a focus on simple food pairing (like smoothies of bananas and kale or bananas and mangoes).  Some strive for an 80/10/10 eating plan: 80% carbohydrates; 10% fat and 10% protein.  The Banana Girl diet runs more like 90/5/5. 

I am going to try it for 30 days, completely raw, but am okay with modifying it if I don't feel like it works for me or I just need more flexibility.  Like I said, I don't have much to lose -beyond unwanted fat and health issues I am beyond sick of suffering from.  I have a lot of digestion issues, among other things, and I am excited by the fact that many who have followed this eating plan have found improvements in their digestion. 

I am excited to try this diet -at any level I can, as I know it will be healthy and that it has the potential in helping me to lose this excess weight.  I am hopeful that with some time eating at higher calorie diet -but one that is low fat, high carb will retrain my body to stop holding on to every calorie it consumes by letting go of its "fear" of starvation. 

Fell off the Vegan Wagon

Things were going well on my vegan journey until we went out of town for a family funeral.  I tried to be prepared and got some packaged vegan energy bars, but the first night away when we finally got to our destination and were extremely hungry (it was about 10 PM) and I felt shaky and cranky and when we got to IHOP by the hotel I totally caved and had a totally dissatisfying German pancakes dish.  It really was awful and I felt stupid for breaking vegan for such a non-tasty meal.  I was sure I'd be strong the next day, but Rockwell (our almost 2 year old) had slept too much in the car on our trip and was totally thrown off his sleep schedule.  I was up with him past 2 am and just so emotional and exhausted that when he finally did sleep, I could not fall asleep. We had stopped at the beach while traveling to the hotel and the kids were quite dirty so I bathed them when we got to the hotel, but decided to shower in the morning -my typical mom-mode: kids needs first and irrational thinking lead by exhaustion.  I was so tired when the alarm kept rudely yelling at me to wake up that I ran out of time to secure a vegan breakfast before the funeral.  We drove to a Carl's Jr. on the way and I inhaled an egg and cheese biscuit.  I remember thinking, yet again, that it was not that tasty.  I felt like a failure.  Funerals are emotional.  It was just my great grandmother's birthday (she passed away in 2003 -so it had been 11 years since her passing- but her birthday is always a reminder of her life and the joy she brought me).  The funeral was for my husband's aunt, who was similar in character to my great grandmother -such a sweet and loving person.  I remember looking up at the ceiling at the church to distract myself, seeing my husband's cousins fighting their tears in the pew in front of us was more than I could take at that moment.  I knew their pain.  I felt it.  I didn't want to be in that church.  I wanted to be on avoidance island. 

Following the funeral and burial services there was a reception with loads of non vegan food. My thoughts were pretty much the following: "well, I have broken vegan already, might as well just eat what looks good." And eat I did!!! I ate healthy stuff, but lots of CAKE.  That was one thing that seemed worth the "cheat."  I have a serious sweet tooth. :)

After returning from our trip I was certain I would quickly get back on the vegan wagon.  But I did not ever get fully back on. 

Why???

I am not really sure.  I am certainly convinced it is better for me.  I am also convinced it is do able and I had already about two weeks of success on the diet and felt great on it.  I forget exactly how much weight I loss, but it was about 7 lbs!!!!!

I have theories of why I never got back to it for so long, but all I can say is it is clear to me that there was something missing for me to fall off so easily (and to stay off so long).  Briefly I think I was too stressed out to make proper decisions and too hard on myself for falling off.  One thing I have learned from therapy is to have more self-compassion.  I will certainly blog about that very subject another day!  I also think that the element of something missing is a key area to explore.  I think I have found that missing element: fruit.  Yes, fruit and carbs in general.  All I have ever known is that carbs make people fat.  But do they? I am going to pick up here in my next post: High Carb, Low Fat, Vegan Lifestyle.